Do You Ever Wonder Why I Became a Menace to Society?

I don't. I was just born this way. Literally. I was born on my dad's West Coast Chopper while my parents were on the highway goin to the hospital. Here's a pic of the bike I was born on.

My dad knew what he was doin.  He wasn't friends with nobody.  Not even my mom.  One time I made the stupid mistake of having a friend for a little while.  His name was Tyler.  At first I though he was cool because he liked Iron Maiden, but it turned out he was just a poser trying to get close to me so he could steal my music ideas.  Well Tyler, this new hit song is for you, ex-friend.  (And the only reason I'm smiling while I'm playing the song is because I'm imagining doing what the lyrics say.)  Screw you all!

Crazy AfterShow Parties

I've played a lot of shows in my day and sometimes the party afterwards is where things get CRAZY. This was probably the craziest of all. There were so many people there and they all wanted to hang out with me. I'm pretty much always the center of attention and people are always like, "Man, what is Matt going to do next? He's so freaking crazy and fun to be around. I wish he was my brother or father or something." I know it's crazy, but that's my life.

Sweetness!

Here are some of the lyrics to my latest song called "Kick'em while they're down." It goes like this... "If you fall down you better know I'm gonna kick ya. If you got ice-cream you better know I'm gonna lick ya. If you're healthy you better know I'll cough and make ya sick ya. And if you go to donate plasma you better know I'm gonna prick ya." In between each verse I'll have a lot of people shout something like "YEAH!" or maybe "THAT'S RIGHT." I'm still thinking about it. I have almost all the song ready. There are just a couple of things left to do.That's all I got for now, or at least all I'm going to reveal at this point to the general public. I think you're all stupid! Peace!

So I play music all the time. I'm kind of my own music guru. I know all the best music and I play only wicked awesome licks. I can play practically any instrument there is. Oh and by the way, happy stupid new year. I don't really celebrate anything except MYSELF, and I do that everyday.